Ken Ham smiled his serene, implacable smile in front of his ark, as the struggling townspeople of Williamstown gathered before him for answers in their multitudes. He had never seen so many people with lengths of pipe in their hands. He couldn't think why as an ark with plumbing would not be accurate, so they couldn't be donations.
Ham couldn't imagine why they were complaining. "Many people come to Ark Encounter every day. I'm very happy with how it's doing."
"That's because Christian tour groups and conventions bus people straight into it and then back out! Not tourists! Not people who might also buy stuff from US! You made a lot of promises to us, you ass! YOU SAID YOU'D SAVE US!"
"And I will save you."
"Not if we don't believe in your creationism crap! You have the only jobs now!"
"I do.," replied Ham proudly. "So it looks like the Lord has you where he wants you."
The crowd noise went silent.
"I'll be happy to give all of you jobs just on the one condition that you accept the word of the Lord. Just sign this," he said, stroking his goatee.
And two by two, they signed and came into his ark. The news crews would come tomorrow to see the miracle of Ken Ham saving a whole town, who overnight had come to the Lord. Ham smiled, looking at the mothers with underfed children, and knew the Lord was clever.
"Eternity with Beelzebub, and all his hellish instruments of death, will be a picnic compared to five minutes with me and this pencil." - E. Blackadder, 1791 Questionable
words & pictures from John Linton Roberson SUPPORT MY SINFUL WORK AT PATREON!