Sarah Palin & Paul Revere: Do IQs Reach Negative Integers?
I try my best to resist the temptation to write anything at all about her. You'll notice her tag below is "Barbie McMooseburger." That's to minimize her mention as far as webcrawlers are concerned. The problem with her is that paying her any attention is a trap. Because attention is the only fuel on which she runs, as she has no ideas, or vision. You wonder, indeed, if she is like a dog chasing a car where the presidency is concerned. What would she do with it should she catch it? Of course, if you've ever stopped your car to see, you found that the dog pissed on your tire. So with she.
She is a walking self-referential feedback loop. Of fruit, but a loop nonetheless.
Giving her any attention only makes her more prominent as a search item, which in turn impels vampire sites like the Huffington Post to put up stories about her to increase their traffic and revenue. Which in turn makes the networks not want to be the last to lap up the sweety and creamy empty calories of the ratings she brings. So they follow her around on this stupid bus tour of hers, not really even knowing why.
I don't want to participate in this because I am convinced that, if everyone would just stop paying attention to her, she'd dry up like a slug and blow away, her and her whole celebilly family.
But there comes a moment where you just can resist temptation no longer. For lo, did Paul Revere ride forth in the night, shake his fist at the British, and say, "You'll take my guns from my cold dead hands!" And behold, the British were girly men and ran away.
"He who warned, uh, the ... British that they weren’t going to be taking away our arms, uh, by ringing those bells and making sure as he’s riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be secure and we were going to be free, and we were going to be armed."
DRINK IN THE GRAVITAS, AMERICA.
Maybe, when she was in 4th grade, she heard "one if by land, and two if by sea," thought it was a math problem, and dozed off? I suppose in any event, here we see the benefit of education in Real America. RIDE THAT HORSE, PAUL REVERE! WARN THE BRITISH WE'RE COMING! THE BRITISH: WE'RE COMING!
Remember: she is NOT WRONG. NOT EVER. She is the Celestial Madonna of the Barnyard & reality is her bitch. And to prove it, her cultists--and what exactly IS it they see in her? A validation of their own mediocrity?--went on Wikipedia and attempted to change it to make her correct, forgetting, perhaps, that not only are there moderators, but that Wikipedia is not the sole source of information in the world. (Palin will get around to the books once she's president, don't worry) Which means the Palin story has officially gone beyond any effort one could make to satirize it. It satirizes itself. It is a hermetic system that feeds upon its own waste.
Give her enough yarn, she'll get lost in the tangles.
What I gathered in the Celestial Madonna of the Barnyard's troubled face there was what I always do when I see her--fight or flight. She has a look of someone who didn't do the homework, gets called on, and has to answer because she forgot the gun she was going to shoot that dumb teacher with. Seriously, the panic you can see on her face says, "I wish I could hit you. I hate these stupid questions. Why can't they just give it to me?"
She knows she doesn't know anything or what she's doing, but is mad that we care about that. It's not that she wishes she were smarter. No, she likes herself fine just as she is. The rest of us demand too much of her, that is the source of her barely concealed rage. She never WANTED to know. She just wanted to win. She wants to slack and smile her way to the top. For her mentality is forever that of the weathergirl, of the beauty contestant, of the high school girl who never pays attention in class. She wants to be the girl with the most cake. She doesn't want to have to reach for it.
The Celestial Barnyard Madonna thinks it's enough just to have shown up.
You're welcome! Update: Good catch on the part of the enterprising Bob Calhoun, who found the source of Palin's confused babbling here--another cartoon. Popeye. No, seriously. Read more here. ________________________ BUY MY BOOKS OR CATS WILL EAT YOU
"Eternity with Beelzebub, and all his hellish instruments of death, will be a picnic compared to five minutes with me and this pencil." - E. Blackadder, 1791 Questionable
words & pictures from John Linton Roberson SUPPORT US AT PATREON!