Do I LOOK Like Someone Who'd Know Where To Find Prostitutes?
I wouldn't think so, and yet as I stood at Mercer & Aurora waiting for the bus to take me the fuck home, apparently someone did. I'm about to try to light a cigarette in the merciless wind no doubt sent by Rob Reiner, because I have about 4 minutes till it shows.
Then this van pulls up alongside me. Well, more like a minivan or a vanagon. It does have windows but it only occurred to me later they were all covered up. This guy with a mohawk and bad teeth opens his window and says to me, "Hey, are you a local?"
Oh, someone looking for directions. Good. I needed to get some bad karma by getting them lost. "Well--sort of. I don't really know where everything is, but what are you looking for?"
"I'm in town from San Francisco. Someone told me Aurora was where you find all the prostitutes, but I ain't seen any. You know where they are?"
Um, interesting question to ask a total stranger, and me at that. But I always try to be polite and helpful if I can. Yes, even then. "Well, I don't...I mean, I don't frequent prostitutes, but I have a rough idea, and that's on the other side of the bridge."
"Ain't any on this side?"
"Um, not as far as I know, but I live above Aurora on that side of the bridge and yeah, they're all over down there, like in this area you'll see all these scary motels. You just go across the bridge, you'll find it. But I should warn you, they're, like, skanky awful CRACK prostitutes no one in their right mind would want." I feel the need to mention that because I know that in San Francisco, prostitution is virtually unionized and, while not legal, basically decriminalized, so people who go to them there are used to ones that are clean.
But that doesn't seem to make much difference to him. I'm wondering if I'll be able to light this smoke before the bus comes.
"So, onna other side a' the bridge?"
"Well, pretty much just wandering around. I don't know." He thanks me and goes, and I think, well, I guess I'm being a hospitable local in...SOME way.
Then it occurs to me about the windows on the van, and I think, oh no, I didn't just get a bunch of poor hookers killed, did I?
Bad karma. It'll find me one way or another. Sigh. I was only trying to be NICE.
Saw this billboard while on the bus, one of a bunch of pro-life ones that have gone up on this side of town. Saw one the other day with a sleeping baby--I guess a cute one, but all babies look like unformed hairy lumps to me--and a big headline in blue, boring Verdana, "I COULD DREAM BEFORE I WAS BORN!" Gyuchh. But I suppose preferable to the dismembered-fetus ones you sometimes see instead.
But this one was just confusing. A smug baby with arms crossed wearing a tie in a high chair, with the headline, "Dad says I'M the new CEO in the house!" and under that, "Life begins at conception!" Call me dense but I failed to see the connection, and wondered if they were high when they laid out this ad. But even more so, "the new CEO"--um, again, maybe I'm dense but how is that going to make people want to kill that baby LESS?
"Eternity with Beelzebub, and all his hellish instruments of death, will be a picnic compared to five minutes with me and this pencil." - E. Blackadder, 1791 Questionable
words & pictures from John Linton Roberson SUPPORT US AT PATREON!