A special executive committee has also been formed to draft the country's final words.
In response to critics who claim Bush is a lame duck and plans to pass the responsibility of helplessly watching the collapse of society onto the next president, Bush said he is "still the commander in chief," and remains dedicated to solidifying America's legacy before the darkness takes hold.
"I am committed to making this the best damn Swan Song the world has ever seen," said Bush, after enclosing a copy of the Constitution and a recipe for corn dogs in an air-tight titanium capsule to be placed just across the Canadian border. "I know this looks like the end—and it is—but I intend to go out with a bang. Now, who's with me?"