While attending the National Book Awards ceremonies at the Waldorf-Astoria, New York's poor Boris Kachka got to look on (and get an invite) in horror as Christopher Hitchens gave party guests the opportunity to feel his freshly waxed genitals. One "high-ranking female Kirkus editor" took The Hitch up on the offer:She didn't see how she could turn down the opportunity. The Hitch unzipped his fly, we stood guard, and she reached in. We can't personally vouch for what happened in there (and we're ashamed to say we demurred when he offered us a grope), but the editor speculates that he's been doing some post-article maintenance down there. "As smooth as summer cherries," she said.
Mr. Hitchens asked Mr. Shelton if he wanted to feel. Mr. Shelton said he did.
“He looks around and says, ‘is anybody looking?’ And I said ‘no, of course not!’ And we’re standing in the middle of the ballroom at the Marriot Marquee.” Mr. Shelton said. “He unzipped his pants and he said ‘feel it, feel it.’ So I stuck my hand in there and all I really felt was a very clean… penis. That’s all I really felt. So I said, ‘Wow! That’s really great! I mean, nice penis!’ Then I pulled it out and he zipped up.”
Mr. Hitchens asked Mr. Shelton if he’d felt how smooth everything was. Mr. Shelton said he had not.
“I said I really didn’t feel, you know, where it would be smooth and all that,” Mr. Shelton said. “He said, ‘Do you want to feel it again?’ And I said, ‘Well, as a matter of fact, yes, I do.’ So he says, ‘Do you want me to guide your hand?’ And I said, ‘yes, as a matter of fact I do.’ He said, ‘Is anybody looking?’ And I said ‘No, of course not.’ He said, ‘Do you want me to guide you?’ and I said, ‘Yes, please guide me.’ So he takes my hand and he guides it into his open fly and he goes on to rub it all over his very smooth pubic area. You cannot believe how smooth it is. And I said, ‘Hitchens! That is really smooth!’ And he said, ‘I know.’”
At that point, Mr. Shelton took back his hand and Mr. Hitchens refastened his trousers. Just then, one of Mr. Shelton’s colleagues from Kirkus came over and said hello. Pretty soon, according to Mr. Shelton, her hand was in Mr. Hitchens’ pants as well.
“Her hand went in there and it went everywhere. She didn’t need any guiding at all,” Mr. Shelton said. “They sort of both looked at the ground.”